The Bribe that Worked.

I Return. It’s becoming my ‘thing’.

The Bribe that Worked.

I Return. It’s becoming my ‘thing’.

Knowing without Caring.

Learning without Knowing.

It’s not the dying that’s the bitch, it’s when it doesn’t take, forcing you back into this common shared reality, that you really get into suffering the curse of Wonder.

Why? Why the fuck are you alive is your constant mental mantra? Your body was trashed, consumed by the experience of Dying, in my most recent incident, of colon cancer. Corroded down to 128 pounds of weak flesh barely able to stand 3 hours a day. Why the fuck endure the suffering of such a Return?

Material reality is where pain exists. Pain that we all turn into suffering, personal and collective. Having had decades of both, there is little incentive to endure the |Return.

We all serve some purpose for Universe, for the Grand Scheme of Things. This is known to me explicitly as Death had taken me three times in this body’s Life.

This last one was really challenging. This most recent Return even more so.

Wasted, corroded, exhausted, and finished by Death, that greater part of my Being still said, “Return you must. You are the Doer-in-the-Body. Your effort is not yet complete in this body’s Life”.

“Fuck that.” was my response. More or less.

Of course there is no saying “no” to the greater part of yourself, though, in that moment, it felt as if persistence on my part would have worked.

My feeling was my feeling even into that greater self...it/i knew that the lower me was going to be ‘resistant’, so it bribed me into coming back into what remained of this body, and this body’s Life.

It was not pretty. Stubbornness aided me. There were three bribes offered, “meaningful work”, “a chance to die in a great global battle”, and “knowing love in my last years in this body’s Life”.

Well, the meaningful work emerged as the depop agenda psyop of covid emerged. Check one off…

Then, Love did manifest in this body’s Life when my feelings were expressed to this marvelous woman, Heidi Vandenberg. Check off two. There is Love in my last years in this body. Why no longer has meaning. It’s enough to simply Know, without Caring.

So there are two goals to this missive, first to impress upon you that there is indeed a real possibility, especially as we all see Humanity in upheaval, that my greater-self knows that something wicked this way comes, that Great Global Battle.

Two out of three have manifested. So take heed. These two alone are wildly improbable. To my mind it would seem far easier for Universe to create a great global battle with space aliens,which is the image that was presented to me at the time, than it was to create the circumstances that lead Heidi to my embrace. That is a true miracle… the great space alien invasion/battle, eh... just another Tuesday.

The other goal of this writing is to project out into the emerging event-stream of this common shared reality, and to assure my woman, that the great global battle only is offering a chance to die, not a certainty. So my manifestation will be an effective demonstration of my art, shin-shin-toitsu-Aikido, such that there is continuation of this body’s Life.

I am treating this last, yet to emerge event, with great seriousness. At 72 years old, now returned to 182 pounds, my body and my mind are trained daily. I practice armed defense daily such that when the event-stream matures to produce the great global battle I can assure my love, my Heidi, that I will Return, to her embrace.

Heidi. I will Return. Promise.